and i guess that yesterday's not good enough for you.

I feel as thought I'm starting to become like the girls I hate so much, not the ones I envy hate, but the ones that I really dislike. The girls who always have something wrong with their life, the ones who need to tell everyone, and lastly, the ones who just won't shut up and accept happiness. Although everyone deserves a minute or two of (public) false pretense tragedy, not including how many they may have already of had previously. In saying so, excuse me while I pass on the following words, and grammar of my own.
A year ago tomorrow, I wanted to kill myself, and in wanting so, I almost did so. I likely wouldn't have died, I would have overdosed for the first time, or attempted to cut my left wrist, but most likely, I wouldn't have died. My stomach would have hurt for a while, and my wrist could have bled. Although it probably wouldn't have. I didn't cry at all a year ago tomorrow though, I just wanted to die, without a large, dramatic event, without much emotion, just have it all end.
Every past, or current suicide patient (mostly past though,) knows that no matter how badly you want to die, you want someone to save you more. At the time I think that I was aware of this. I told my best friend of the time, who ironically I had never really met, of my plans. He also never knew his father, and so he is one of the only people that I may ever feel truly comfortable talking about him with. Funny how he has Cancer, so Father's Day in the far years, I may not have my best friend from the most part of '08 here to discuss things with. Alas, the good comes with the bad, no matter how bad it may and up being.
I've never really felt the need to celebrate Father's Day, not necessarily having a father, not one that considers himself to be a father at least. As a young child I'm positive that I must have felt the need, but I'm only aware of doing so once, there was one time that we might have done something the day after, although that doesn't count. The one time in my life when the day was celebrated on the actual date, was somewhere between second, and third grade. It was celebrated with my Great Grandmother (who I considered just Grandma), Andrew (who at the time went by 'Dad'), and a couple friends of his. My Great Grampa likely would have been there too, he would always save me from my British Grandmother when she was too tough on me. But, accepting the good with the horrid, two or three years previous we found out he (also) had Cancer. Two or three years previous, he died. I don't remember what we did on Father's Day, except that I spent most of the day with Grandma. Andrew was ten to twenty feet ahead of us, I cried, and my Grandma told me to "not be a bother," as usual, being much too tough on me.
and I am not too blind to know all the pain you kept inside you, even though you might not show.
if I can't apologize for being wrong then it’s just a shame on me, i’ll be the reason for your pain, and you can put the blame on me.

I lose my sense of wrong and right, I cry, I cry.

So, sorry I did whatever it was I did that caused this to end.
So sorry that I wasn't good enough to keep this going.
I apologize for not being good enough.
Maybe if I was, this damned inanimate father wouldn't be so inanimate.
Maybe I wouldn't be off following the girl who's busy following nova.
Sorry I don't have the perfect body proportions as her, or the perfect hair,
Although I do know that has little, or none to do with this, it still comes to mind.
Maybe if I was just a little bit better, I wouldn't have gone to 10 different schools
In 14 years.
Maybe I would be part of the group of friends that had pictures before kindergarten '00.
Maybe I wouldn't have friends coming and going as they please,
Because maybe, just maybe I would be worth a dime in their books.
If I was better, maybe I wouldn't have developed this damned eating disorder,
Or these horrid smoking habits.
I wouldn't be being offered jobs of prostitution, and nude photographs.
I wouldn't be considering to take them either.
Maybe if I was a better kid, I'd be good enough,
not sure good enough for who, but I would be good enough.
Maybe she wouldn't be curious, or knowing to whome, or what, this is about,
And I wouldn't be high jacking this little quote here saying these exact words
Maybe I would be in bed, and I wouldn't have this dead buzz of alcohol.
Been black and blue before
There’s no need to explain
I am not the jaded kind
Playback’s such a waste
You’re invisible
Invisible to me
My wish is coming true
Erase the memory of your face

They say that kid has got soul, every where that you go.

You say skank, but your the one with bruises on your neck.
Bruises from the past, some preparing for the future,
but most are from your past.
Rape, suicide attempts, and even the odd eating disorder or two,
broken hearts, stitched up and reopened again,
just to be put back together. But only by someone
willing to find the missing pieces.
To you this is normal, but to most, this is the farthest thing from
reality. Your afraid of an 'ordinary' life, its keeps you
cowering in the darkest corner barely visible to even your eyes.
Its funny how the best thing you can find on your body,
are bight marks. Nothing painful, but it brings in a unique beauty,
definitely nothing 'ordinary', and that's how you like it,
that's how this is supposed to be, how your supposed to be.
You say you want to be different, its what you most crave in life,
that and to be loved, which has long gone been met.
But despite your craving, you've still fallen in the crowd,
gotten lost among everyone, like an ant lost in an ant hill,
nothing more than ant, come and go, give and take.
Just waiting for your time to shine, for the sun to move
just an inch or two to your little bubble of amusement.
Tired of waiting, tired of cowering, well in a sort,
still refusing to be anything close to 'ordinary',
whatever the hell that is. Blond hair, blue eyes,
that perfect little figure, complete with a perfect loving family,
and definitely the perfect loving boyfriend, who's what?
Captain of the fucking football team?Fuck that, you'd
much rather be sitting here, eating a tub of ice cream,
with your perfect girlfriend, who just happens to live down the road.
Perfect eh? But in all reality, you need a wake up call,
need to get something done, something big,
something new, and all, in 100%, you.
Your gonna make it big girl, just you wait and see.
Soon the world will know your name, and in the end,
all the dreaming, waiting, and maybe even a teensy bit of the cowering
will have made it worth the while, worth the wait.
Just you wait girl.
My tears run down like razorblades,
And no, I'm not the one to blame.
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say,
Come out and now we're all ashamed.
And there's no sense in playing games,
When you've done all you can do.