they'll tear us apart if you give them the chance.

I'm sick of this life, and the people that surround me in it.
I'm sick of being told what to do,
And given the responsibility of someone over my age,
and yet being treated like a five year old.
Scratch that, i'd be lucky to have that kind of treatment.
I'm sick of drugs, and alcohol,
Smoking and sex.
Its all a combination of revolution.
It sucks.
I'm sick of people, i'm sick of choices,
I'm sick of having to make them.
Making the right, or wrong one, i'm sick of it all.
I'm sick of life, and 99% of the people in it.
99% of the idiotic people who don't know right from wrong,
Smart from dumb,
Drugs from fun.
So many bright lights to cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding I get so weak
A love that's so demanding I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you could say can stop me going home

Oh no, dont go changing, thats what you told me from the start.

My mother screams at me, trying to pound
the abnormalities of this through my thick skull. Digging, scratching,
pounding away, my father is
nowhere to be seen, lost in the dark abyss
Is this normal? I don't get it, i wont get it.
Families are supposed to be loving, caring,
a place to feel safe. This feels more like a living hell. Whatever
happened to fairy tale endings?
Whoever though up happily ever after, was so, so wrong.
The good old days, when all girls feared was getting cooties from the cute boys at school,
now its an endless battle just to stay in one piece.
I've lost the battle.
There are pieces of my body, my mind, me,
lying freely though out this bright lighted city. Lighting up the dark night with the
excitement i wasn't able to keep in myself.
Please, someone get me out of here!
I can't handle this torturous world any longer.
Rejection lurking around every corner i turn,
waiting to pounce, taking me down with any given chance.
Black cloaks drenched with black, icy rain.
Too much irony.
Black tears resemble the black smoke, flying
through the sky coming up from the candles lighting up the dark night.
A give and take, love hate situation, smoke for rain,
tears for pain. What about blood? If i drain my body of my
blood, what will i receive in return? More pain, included with much more rain?
Its a package deal, treat me like shit, that's what you'll receive.
With age comes responsibility, not respect.
You get, what everyone else gets, you get a life time

and if you get to heaven, i'll be here waiting baby.

November 16/2008

I'm amazed that last night's 'overdose' as
Kaitlyn called it, is still in my system. i'm not shaking,
no that's long over with. my stomach could
explode at any given minute though, with what exactly
i'm not. i've been awake since 7am-its 2pm now.
all i've eaten today is half an apple, which i couldn't even
finish without feeling sick to my stomach,
a cup of coffee at 8, and 4 little individual crackers.
Bobby Joe just came 'round offering might-as-well-be plastic cheese,
figured "what the hell, i can't feel any worse," .
I fear posting this up, knowing that from here out
she knows my every thought, without even wanting to.
its not like i don't want her knowing,
i love knowing she cares actually, but knowing how
much these things hurt her i dread. the fact that my
words brought tears to her eyes was the worst
feeling imaginable. tears that still drip sore, tearing her apart
bit by bit, but broke me instantly.
what i wrote caused that reaction, that reaction made me cringe.
making her feel like a horrible person, a horrible girlfriend.
my horrible girlfriend.
babe, you're so wrong, you are so amazing beyond words.
i still cant believe that you have feelings for a girl like me.
what you said that night, 'i lo...' i still can't even
write it. writing those 3 beautiful words would make it true,
accepted, make me vulnerable,
more that i think i can handle.
i'm afraid to be loved, i put in too much trust too soon,
trust it always broken too soon.
i'm not afraid to trust you babe,
i'm afraid to feel this way about someone, i've never had these feelings,
this feeling of needing.
dry your tears babe, no one wants to see you cry no more,
dry your tears babe, i don't wanna see you hurt no more.