And now i've had enough of all the hating. Do we even care, is someone there?

I remember when we were 8 years old, sitting on your bed, talking about shit we barely remember. For some reason we were talking about our favourite colours, yours were green and blue, mine were purple...and pink? You said something about pink being my favourite colour, and how that made me girlier. Thinking about it now, i think thats the funniest thing, considering my girly level is pretty low. My favourite colours are still purple, but red instead of pink. Does that have anything to do with it? These little things create who we are, little things like favourite colours, or the pets we have growing up. Remember my cat? Your family had to watch him for a week, and Cameron would be holding him wrong. Hold my baby wrong. What a spaz eh cuz? Aha, you always hated it when i called you that. Too childish you'd say. We were so close, you meant the world to me, what happened? Family, moving, fighting, all that dumb jazz. Shitty eh?

Every day i sit here waiting, every day just seems so long.

blood pouring like little red, murderous raindrops.
blades scraping at skin like there's no tomorrow,
hacking away at old memories, just to create new ones.
wanting, needed, pleading to feel something, anything at all.
this endless sorrow hes helped you create is too much.
you want a new pain, one that has nothing to do with him,
something self inflicted.
It's almost a source of independence really.
shooting yourself before he gets the chance,
if given the chance would he take it?
definitely, he wants you here as much as you do.
there's another way to look at this,
this pain your inflicting upon yourself is nothing new.
after all, the only thing you feel these days, besides the rain down your neck,
is the pain he's caused you.
sure-its only emotional, but you're only human,
you'll forget about his tricks, and let it happen all over again.
better make physical pain, just to make sure you never forget.
of course, he'll never know, no one will, everyone will forget,
forget about the pain, and suffering- forget about you completely.
lets make it final babe, pop those pills like candy, drink your booze like soda,
take a nap and never wake, forever dreaming.
life never seemed to real for you, too many mixed emotions,
too many people, too many places, too much for you, just one big horrible dream.
maybe death wouldn't be so bad, you always liked dreaming,
hopefully these dreams will be better.

Oh no, dont go changing, thats what you told me from the start.

My mother screams at me, trying to pound
the abnormalities of this through my thick skull. Digging, scratching,
pounding away, my father is
nowhere to be seen, lost in the dark abyss
Is this normal? I don't get it, i wont get it.
Families are supposed to be loving, caring,
a place to feel safe. This feels more like a living hell. Whatever
happened to fairy tale endings?
Whoever though up happily ever after, was so, so wrong.
The good old days, when all girls feared was getting cooties from the cute boys at school,
now its an endless battle just to stay in one piece.
I've lost the battle.
There are pieces of my body, my mind, me,
lying freely though out this bright lighted city. Lighting up the dark night with the
excitement i wasn't able to keep in myself.
Please, someone get me out of here!
I can't handle this torturous world any longer.
Rejection lurking around every corner i turn,
waiting to pounce, taking me down with any given chance.
Black cloaks drenched with black, icy rain.
Too much irony.
Black tears resemble the black smoke, flying
through the sky coming up from the candles lighting up the dark night.
A give and take, love hate situation, smoke for rain,
tears for pain. What about blood? If i drain my body of my
blood, what will i receive in return? More pain, included with much more rain?
Its a package deal, treat me like shit, that's what you'll receive.
With age comes responsibility, not respect.
You get, what everyone else gets, you get a life time