I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water, need to grow older with a girl like you.

I'm a visual reader, that's why this hurts so much,
being able to leave this low level life, create a new one.
These words hurt, and i hate it.
ihateitihateitihateit.
The lump in my throat it gives me,
the way i can feel the heat rising to my face,
its horrible.
Reading these words, my words, your words.
its sucks.
So tomorrow, when your wondering why
i can't even look you in the eyes,
i think now its pretty obvious.
i feel pathetic, and worthless just because of this,
because of my own thoughts.
I still stay up and night pondering
how anyone could love me,
with real feelings, or even as a friend,
how any one could ever put up with this.
Put up with all my fucked up mood swings,
my fucked up, horribly proportioned body,
and the things i do to it.
These are the mysteries that keep me up at night,
the nightmares that keep me turning
back and forth throughout the night.
I've read too many words...
too many words about how you love her,
how you always will...
"i love you. don't ever, ever forget it."
I can't even wrap my young, adolescent mind
around you not feeling that way.
I feel unbelievably horrible for letting you read these words,
but you say you want to know, and i'm so, so sorry.
You shouldn't be hurt by these things lurking out from
this dark pit inside of me, i shouldn't be letting them come out.
But we've already discovered that i cant control myself.
Promise you'll forgive me?
I'm sorry, i did not mean to hurt my little girl.
Its beyond me, i can not carry the weight of a heavy world.
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight,