i dont mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?

as realization finally hits in,
i slowly start to begin.
begin to understand everything,
all the lies,
all my cries.
so with this gun held to my head
i pull the trigger,
and slowly fall to my bed.
i hope you understand what you did,
you better be sorry for what you did.
you broke my heart,
and tore it apart.
'know what they say,
all the king's horses, and all the king's men,
couldn't put Humpty together again.
you said it yourself, frail as a pin.
you said it yourself, don't know where to begin.
i'm your Humpty,
put me back together again?

dont let me get me, i'm a hazzard to myself.

i don't know what to think, i'm lost whenever i'm with you.
those mixed signals, i don't know how long i can take it.
you make me think you want me,
you bury your face in my shoulder.
you write about deja vu, about her.
is that all i am?
a deja vu of your perfect time with her.
a re-run of your favourite TV show?
good, but never as good as the first time 'round.
maybe its a good thing the sun has faded,
you can't tell if its a tear running down my nose,
or just your imagination.
and i can't see the pained look on your face,
remembering all the better times you had with her.

hurry up and wait for me baby.

Arms wrapped around tightly like cuckoons,
protecting loved ones, or just keeping them close.
i must be dreaming.
With a swift kiss, and a low chuckle,
i promise to stay here in this loving bliss.
i must be dreaming.
Smooth hands, cold palms,
hold me down dont let me leave.
i can't be dreaming.
Out the window, and down the road.
sneaking home, peeking back, you have to still be there.
Please don't let me be dreaming.

strip down all your layers to find the truth.

You don't know what it does to me,
pretending to be nice, talking to me.
Just being there at all.
My goal was to just...stop everything.
Stop talking to you, stop flirting with you,
Stop liking you all together.
The fact that you still sit there beside me,
still talk to me, and still care.
All of it, its just breaking me inside.
The way you do that thing you do
to show me you want me,
Just the way you did that night.
That horrible, gorgeous night that ruined everything.
When you look me in the eyes,
inside i'm just screaming 'she must want me, she must care'.
Its the hardest thing in the world to tell myself its all a lie,
To just sit there and force my hands not to grab yours.
You doen't know it, but that's the hardest thing in the world for me.
Your hair, your eyes,
your whole divine,
when i get so hypnotized.
You made me laugh, you made me cry,
but i guess that's what i'll have to buy.
You're hands and mine when they're entwined.

and i fell into pieces, and she fell into me.

They'res this girl i know,
and shes the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.
She doesn't even know the definition of ugly.
I love being with her,
she knows how to make me smile,
and is always here with me,
through laughter to tears.
Worst thing 'bout it,
is no matter what, wherever we are,
every single boy you see,
doesn't, couldn't even notice me.
Every eye would die to catch hers,
those gorgeous hazel eyes.
The way the sun catches in her hair,
I know i'm lucky to have her as my bestie,
but it would be even better to be her.
She doesn't understand mow much that hurts,
she allready has someone to love her-always has.
No matter what, she just can't get it,
The way that hurts, always being alone.
Seeing her with that precious boy of hers.
I just wish i had someone to love me in return.

your probubly hanging out, and making nights.

Don't you get it?
Jigs up, everyone -myself includes-
knows what was really going on.
You never had any feelings for me,
It was nothing but pity.
You can stop pretending to be nice to me now,
I really wouldn't mind.
It would actually help me through this,
allot more than whatever it is your doing now.
Not only do i have to see you with her,
but every single day.
Believe me, pretending to be nice,
hurts more than your pity.

Its obvious you never wanted me, i was nothing but pitty.

I know what I've been missing.
I miss me.
And i finally realise that its not good enough for you.

Babe, dont worry, they're only tears. I'll shed more.

As i'm writing about the things you've done,
the tears just wont stop flowing.
I wish that you could understand how important you are to me,
or even how much this hurts, and rips and tears at my heart.
Seeing a smile light up on your face every time she comes around.
But that's exactly it, you know how i feel,
you know exactly how much this hurts.
All because of her.
Shes the reason i'm worth a dime in your books.
The reason you tried to make me feel better,
tried to make this better.
Too bad you were wrong.
I'm nothing like her, that's why i'm not good enough.
Even for that short week,
i was so sure that you might possibly of had the same feelings,
even only slightly the same emotions for me.
Too bad i was wrong.
I was sure that watching movies in your basement,
talking about all the random things,
that to anybody else would have meant nothing,
Meant something to you, because they sure as hell meant more
than something to me.
I read your words about her, her perfect blue eyes,
and the long gorgeous blond hair.
Don't worry, that's only the complete opposite of me.
You mentioned how she
told you to give that other girl a try.
Give me a try.
All you said was how that other girl -me-
tried, but wasn't the same.
Doesn't have the same body.
Sorry i'm not thin enough.
Doesn't have the same thoughts, or voice.
Sorry i'm not good enough.
I know that i'm not her, not in the least.
But despite all of that, i just wish
you would be willing to give it a try.
Give me a try.
And i can live without you,
but without you i'll be living miserable at best.

don't leave me to drown.

I'm alone in the middle of the ocean,
drowning in my own thoughts.
Pleading to find a life raft, any kind of savour.
She doesn't realize it, but for the past while,
she was my life raft, keeping me from drowning.
I was so close to land, to being safe from the world.
Until she got up and left,
left me alone as the biggest wave came crashing through.
I don't know if I'll be able to make it this time,
now that shes no longer here with me.
I crave the feeling of her hand clenched to mine,
the warmth of her arm around me, keeping me safe.
Her lips crashing upon mine,
it all felt so right- so natural.
Like we didn't even have to try,
it just all worked out perfectly.
Turns out i was right, there is no such thing
as 'happily ever after'.
Just the perfect feeling of being together.
I miss you.

broken hearts never die.

I hate the way you always know what to say,
and make it better.
How no matter what, you will always be there in my life,
but too far away to mean anything.
Just enough to prove nothing but pain.
I hate all these emotions, and feelings that i cant escape,
are all meant for you, but no matter what,
will never be returned.
I hate that everything i dreamed of, you save for her.
Even though she's not the one wasting her nights.
Crying to be noticed.
Dieing for you to notice.
But babe, i could never hate you,
just the way you tried to make this all better,
and only made it worse.
I thought in the end, it couldn't be worse than before
this all happened.
Believe me, i was wrong, very wrong.
A broken heart is worse than a dumb one.

once upon a time...

THE BEGINNING...