cus i know ain't crazy, i know i ain't trippin.

"my, what a hypocritical bitch you are, grandma" said Little Red Riding Hood,
"all the better to fuck up my friendships with, darling" replied the old lady.

now your halfway out the door.

when i no long cry myself to sleep at night,
then i'll know that everything is alright.

you are the taste of something sweet, and i'm tangled in the sheets.

"don't do it, please... other people want you...need you
he's not worth it"
"oh...i'm so, so sorry, it shouldn't have happened like that
...she's beautiful, she was beautiful,"
"nothing too big, too small...nothing out of proportion..."
"jump out of a window and hope you dont fall."
"tell her...she'll understand"
"i like you"
"put up a front...kills yourself to make someone else feel alive"
"i did... and i fell hard."
"no, you walked out the door, and tripped on the stairs.
"hey beautiful...i love you."
"happy fucking new years."
"she made me feel bad whenever it happened
...wouldn't talk to me."
"its not working..."
nods.
"then i dont want to try the window."
"home alone?...hi."
"now its your turn to jump out the window...
hope you dont fall again."
"where is it?....____."
"that's not all...get ulcers from..."
"i saw it coming..so much harder than..."
pathetic. ugly. fat. unwanted.
"we dont effect the ones we love...just do what we want?"
"why did i let myself fall...."
"cant live with...can't live without."
"stoned out of your face."
"i'm sorry..."
"ignored."
"i love you."
"whats wrong...?"
"please?"
"no..."
no....
past fucking tense.

so many we's, but only just one me.

cover up with make up in the mirror,
tell yourself it's never gonna happen again,
you cry alone,
then she swears she loves you.
this partially explains her behaviour, but only today's,
not the past month-and-a-half.


And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go,
promise I’m going because I’ve gotta get outta here

lucky hundred.

past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.
past fucking tense.

Over playgrounds and rooftops.

Give me your heart and your soul, I’m breaking out. Last chance to lose control.

who am i? you sure you want to know?

i dont really know what to write about now, not being on here as much -or at all really- for so long. my mind's come to a blank, and i just feel slightly... not empty, but like i have nothing of importance to write of. nothing that i can write in such a permanent environment at least. that's the thing about the Internet, once its here, its here. even if i deleted the post, if someone spent long enough trying to find it, and knew what they were doing, they could find it. if they really wanted to. that's what's so great about paper, possibly, and probably why i prefer a journal. no backspace button to change original ideas, and if i really detested something enough to get rid of it, i could. rip it up, put it in a shredder, and after a short amount of time, its gone, and no one,
no one could find it. i'm not sure what to think anymore, i'm slightly more or less confused, about everything really. who to like, who to trust, what to like, what to think, etc. so i've settled on not thinking about much. that's not as bad as it sounds, i'm thinking, but i don't like to think too hard about things. meaning, if it doesn't come easily, then maybe i shouldn't be thinking about it? i honestly don't know if that makes any sense to anyone, but then again, maybe that's why its a good thing that so few people are reading this.

I'm at the point where i don't know what to do.

chaptertwo...
Henry Ford, obviously invented the Ford car line. When his mother died in 1876(she was only 37) Henry was devastated. He was also only 13 years old. He hated the farm work, and only stayed there for his mother. At some point in time he told his dad "I never had any particular love for the farm—it was the mother on the farm I loved.".
Three years later (he was then 16) he left the farm to apprentice a mechanic in Detroit. I could continue with facts that most would find pointless for a while, but as much as i don't exactly think it would be pointless, it could, and likely would be tres boring.
The main point that i am attempting to get through here, is that it doesn't matter what you wear, what your labeled, or what your fucking popularity status is. As long as your happy, happy with what your doing, happy with who your with, happy with life in general. Currently i'm not happy, i'm cheerful, i put up a good front, but i'm not exactly sure when i was most recently happy, for a decent period of time at least.
Henry Ford was happy working with machinery, such as cars, watches, steam engines, etc.
Another point, is that how the little things effect the world, and everyone included. If it weren't for his mother dieing, chances are, Henry wouldn't have left the farm to apprentice. Thus leaving us without Ford cars, trucks, etc. Most likely at least. Think of that? We're all well aware that Ford is not the only automobile company, but it's well known. Though, if he hadn't made his cars, than maybe other companies wouldn't have either.
Also, it means that we can't go through the good, without the bad, even if it's worst comes to worst.