i've seen her in a smokey room, the smell of wine and cheep perfume.

i'm trying to tell myself to shut up, and to shut it out. i want myself to know that there's nothing i can do to change it, that i all can do is ignore the things i know. in a way i want to force the words out of my mouth, and to put a control on my life. just for once, maybe. words hardly make it in the air without my body shaking, letting it ink onto microchipped paper is pathetic.
fuck this, everything is ruined.