it ends tonight.

romeo save me, i've been feeling so alone.

you fuckng son of a bitch. i put up with all of your shit for all of these years, and for what? for you to fucking turn on me? on fucking all of us! i always have to be the strong point. i wont cry in front of anyone, because i always have to be the strong point. they've left us before, and your no different. except for her. once your gone, i'm going to be here to cut myself up picking up the pieces, and putting them back together. all over again. the world goes round, and you'll be long gone. i hope you are at least, because if your still here, i want nothing to do with this place. at least i got a head start this time, my knuckles are bruising before the blood.

the perfect little gift for high school graduation.

i've learned to stay away, and to come again. almost. my nights
tend to be spent awake, not in my home, not in my place. memories
start to come around during the night, in the weirdest of ways,
things i havn't thought about since they happened, which was years
and years ago.
-when i entered middle school, i never went on the play ground. not
because i had outgrown it but my mother laughed at the kids
who did. the first time i stepped on the gravel was in the seventh
grade on a snowy day. they had finaly accepted me.
the popular kids.
-"it's not like you and aurora are going to do anything," "i know, it's
not like we've dated." i know we're both speaking of the same subject,
but they'res no way we'll admit it aloud.
when you change, you do it so someone will love you. what you don't
realise is that after you change, some people aren't going to love
you anymore.
-when you meet now people, it's crazy. you tell the boys you're gay, so
they wont flirt with you all night- just for sex. but the night ends
with another girl, playing truth or dare. they dare you to do shit with
her- to turn them on. You cave to peer pressure, and wither away to
a useless pile of what you swore you would never, never be.

and that's the way i loved you.

sometimes, i really fucking hate you.

i never knew i could feel that much

i hurt so much, and i don't even know why. i'm crying, and i don't even
know why, or maybe i don't want to admit it? yes, that must be it,
afraid of admittance, acceptance, and being unwanted. unloved
can be thrown in there too.
weed over me, weed over them, but never you.
i never wanted this, i never wanted to write like this either, but that's
completely irrelevant. i never wanted to need someone, or anyone,
luckily it's not that bad. i just feel like shit right now.
it's recently come to my attention, it's not that i don't like her,
she's never done me wrong. but you have. you're really the
one who always fucks me over, even though she's the one who fucks
you over, time and time again.
all i can say is, i hope no one that i ever fall for in the future will find this,
i wouldn't want to make someone feel like i do.
I don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I don't know if I'll get up, and
I don't wanna 'cause a scene, but I'm dyin' without your love.

baby i'm done, but i've got to go home.

I feel sick to my stomach, but it has nothing to do with being
hungover, because I'm not. It has a more depressive feeling,
being alone, reading words meant for another, and yet here I
am reading them over. Or not, for once I said no to wanting to
be there, seeing it from that perspective. Feeling
sick to my stomach, but too late.
Oops.
Chances are I'm not being missed right now, but chances are,
she still is. Even though she
doesn't care, it' been a over a year, and it's
still not over. I'd like to thank someone
for warning me before hand, that she wont ever stop loving that certain
someone, even though at the time,
it most definitely wasn't something that I wanted to hear.
It's recently come to my attention that I must obviously attract
people who treat me like crap. My first love, who treated me
horrible, but only me, no one else. Not her first love, ha -
of course not. I've never been the one that everyone wants
to be friends with, but I am close to those who are. Then again,
they never noticed trating me like shit either.
Fuck, my own father doesn't want me, or treat me well, but there's really no need to
vent about that now, it would be a waste of time, because no one will want to read it.