today my alarm didn't work, again, this caused me to miss my bus, and first block. english. school was entirely uneventful, i didn't hold hand with my girlfriend, because she is irrelevant. because i've fallen down this damned hole once again. after school, i missed the bus once again because emily made sure that i would 'say hi' to amelia, and wait for her. i walked home, which wasn't horrible, it gave me time to think, to clear out my mind. i tried to, but i didn't succeed.
amelia is sweet, and she cares. this is something new to me, something i'm not used to. she is new to me, completely unknown. she cares too much, and tries too hard, ironically i've always thought that i wanted this. apparently not. my heart doesn't race when i see her, not even when we kiss. instead i fall far below, searching for a place to hide. i feel like i could trust this girl, if i let her at least.
tia cares, or she says she does atleast. i say that "she says she does," simply because she has so many times before, so many times too many. i've always had strong feelings for her, but i just don't think that's right. too bad for me, though. now that she has become an option, a preferred choice for me, i'm more than willing to go her way, but what if... i don't know what's going on, or if i can trust her. i've told tia that i do, and i really thought i did, but what if... she's hurt me so many times, and i need her to prove it to me, just once, let me know that i'm really worth her time.
maybe i'm not though, which is why i've always been afraid to make her prove it to me.
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